Playmates

It seems like each week keeps getting past me before I am able to post. There are actually a number of things I would like to post about, but time is a major factor. Hopefully sometime soon I will get back to fully rolling in the blog world.

One of the major factors in my time lately is the kids. No big surprise, yet for some reason I still catch myself being surprised at how much time and energy it takes to raise small children. A friend stayed the night at our house earlier this week and he commented, "Is this normal? Is every evening this busy with the kids?" John and I laughed. The evening did not seem too chaotic to us. I guess in some ways we have become immune to the chaos. I realized recently that I have become the woman who carries on a phone conversation with a screaming child in the background. I used to be so distracted when I talked to women who talked over their toddlers, but now I know it is the only way to have a conversation. I am also the woman who consistently goes to work with baby poop on her clothes, but whatever.

In the midst of the chaos and redirecting, there have been many great moments. Grayson and Lu have started playing with each other more. They both share admiration for each other that warms my heart. I love seeing their bond grow. I love the moments when Grayson follows his big brother instinct to make sure Lu is treated fairly. I love watching Lu gaze at Grayson and smile at every little thing he does. I love listening to giggles turn into belly laughter in the back seat of the car as Grayson and Lu share an inside joke. So many days I look at Grayson and Lu and I sit in wonder about what is to come for them.

Falling in Love

The past couple of weeks with the kids have been especially enjoyable. Grayson will be 2-years-old next week, which means everyday he is a wild card of emotion, and Lucy is a three month old girl who insists that the world take notice of her. If I focused only on the complex times with the kids I would always be wondering why John and I ever even entertained the idea of being parents. Thankfully, though, the rich times outshine the developmental chaos that kids endure.  Despite his fragile emotional state, Grayson has started to really shine. Despite her celebrity attitude, Lu has started to show some her of ever-endearing personality. For a while I thought that the days with the kids felt easier and more enjoyable because Grayson and Lu started interacting with each other more - they have a game of mimicking each other's sounds that ends in both of them laughing. Their interaction has provided some entertainment, but that was not what changed things. Yesterday I realized what it was: I'm in love.

I did not fall in love with Grayson immediately. I so often hear pregnant women say that they are in love with their unborn child. I read status updates to the gist (actually to the verbatim) of, "So-and-so was born today! I am so in love with him!" I don't doubt that these women are in love, but that was definitely not my experience. I loved being pregnant, and I enjoyed the special relationship I had with Grayson when I was pregnant, but if I really thought about it, I did not think about how in love I was with Grayson, I thought about what an alien-like experience it was to be pregnant. Think about it: a human grows inside another human. So weird.

When Grayson was born my first thoughts were not of head-over-heals love. I'm not even sure if love was in my realm of emotions after Grayson was born. I distinctly remember feeling the weight of responsibility like I had never felt before when I delivered Grayson and the midwife placed him on my chest. That feeling of responsibility lingered. I kept thinking, "This is it. I will forever be a parent. There is no taking this back." The first few months after Grayson was born I could not honestly post a status about being in love, if I had wanted to. Most of my emotions we directed at trying to accommodate the transition in our family from being just me and John, and the major life change of becoming a mother.

It's not that I did not love Grayson when he was first born. I definitely loved him and I cared for him relentlessly, but I was not in love. For the first couple of months of his life Grayson was mainly the responsibility that I was given. Part of my responsibility as a mother was to love Grayson. It was not until the transition period gave way, and Grayson secured his role in our new family, that I fell in love. When Grayson was around 12 weeks old I realized that I was in love. I went back to work when Grayson was around 10 weeks old. Initially going back to work was tough, but it was not as tough as I thought it would be. I realized I had fallen in love with Grayson when going to work became harder, when I missed him more, when my heart longed to see him every moment. I vividly remember telling John when I fell in love with Grayson. I had been waiting to fall in love with Grayson, and when it happened it was so great.

When it came time for me to have Lucy I did not know what to expect. I did not put any expectations on myself to be in love immediately, but I thought that I may fall in love with Lu easier because I was already a mother and my heart knew what to expect. When the midwife put Lu on my chest I did not feel the deadweight of responsibility, but I did not feel overwhelming feelings of love either. I remember feeling very matter-of-fact, like, "Okay, our second child... check!" It was strange. The night after Lu was born was extremely rough for me. Her birth caused me to mourn the little three-person family we had. Before Lu was born, John, Grayson, and I had a good rhythm. Lu's arrival threw off that rhythm. I knew that we would eventually find a new rhythm, but I also knew that life would never be the same as it had been with just Grayson. My feelings of what I was losing were hurtles to me falling in love with Lu.

As when I had Grayson, even though I was not in love with Lu I still gave her love. I knew that at some point I would be in love. I originally thought I would fall in love with Lu easier and quicker than I did with Grayson, but I think it took a little longer because I was divided in my attention. When Lu was born Grayson was just beginning to break out of baby shell, and I wanted to spend all the time possible with Grayson so I could get to know him as a  toddler. Also, comparatively, babies are nowhere near as entertaining as toddlers, so I was not as intrigued with Lu's ability to open her eyes or breathe, as I was with Grayson's comedic timing and growing social skills.

Over the days, as Lu started to wake up from her newborn fog I caught myself falling for her. She requires a lot of attention. She has a sense of humor. She is sassy. She is super smiley. She can be feisty. And I am completely in love with it all. We have a new family rhythm and I would not change it for anything right now.

Did you fall in love immediately? Share your story!

Moments I would not have, if not for Lu:

Child's Brain

I'm certain this has already gone viral, but John and I were laughing so hard at this letter to the weatherman the other day.

Maternal Judgement

Sometimes parenting makes me feel like I am 14 years old again. I can feel like I am under the microscope. Like I am being critiqued. Like I have to measure up to some parenting standard. Like there is some cool crowd style I am supposed to conform to. If I think too much about parenting I go batty. So many opinions. So many folks who are certain they have the right techniques for raising my children. There are times when I really connect with the motherhood community and I think to myself, "Gee, we are all just trying to make it through this stage together." Then there are the other times. There are the times when I have conversations with mothers who know everything and appear to have it all figured out. Those are the times I catch myself starting to fume and get into fighting position. In those moments I no longer care about the motherhood community. I take on the Hunger Games  mentality and think, "May the odds be in your favor." In those moments I am ready to battle the opinionated mother (or maybe non-mother... it's very possible). I have debated blogging about some of my encounters. I don't want to alienate folks, but the stories are rich. Sometimes I even agree with the practices of these super confident women who send me into a rage. Sometimes I actually practice the same parenting style as them. So it is not actually their opinions or style that wrecks me, it is the judgement that I can so easily feel. I love this piece in the Huffington Post about maternal judgement.

I definitely connected with the Huffington Post piece. When I was pregnant with Grayson we had grand plans of how we would parent. I saw so many blogs and Facebook posts of women who clearly have 40 hours a day to do crafts with their children, have a completely organic life, keep a perfectly decorated home, cook elaborate meals, throw creative parties, go on amazing vacations, have perfectly witty and enthusiastic family outings,  and still have time to talk about it all. The bar is set pretty high for what it looks like to be a parent. At the end of the day, none of that matters though. What matters is that I raise my children in the way that is best for them and what works best for our family. Now I don't care so much about living out a certain parent persona, but rather just doing what needs to get done for my family. I think that is the responsibility of every mother. Do what you need to do and brush off the rest. This morning I had to fish out a letter "M" alphabet graham (euphemism for cookie) from Lucy's mouth. Grayson is our little Socialist and likes to give everything to his sister. The incident highlighted two things: 1) I was preoccupied for longer than one second, so Grayson had time to get a cookie in Lu's mouth, and 2) We officially give Grayson cookies in the morning. I am sure the pre-parent Shannen would have something to say about this, but all the parent Shannen can say is, "It's just where I'm at right now."

Thought-Provoking Thursday: Life Without Children

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During the past couple of weeks Lucy realized she is alive. The endearing "fourth trimester" most babies experience after birth has come to an end and Lu is beginning to take on her personality. It has been fun to see glimpses of what Lu's future personality may be like. Most signs are pointing to the fact that she will be feisty, but we will see who she actually becomes. I don't want to typecast her too early.

Grayson's recent developmental growth spurt and Lu's decision to tell us how she feels, has left very busy on the parenting front. Throw into the mix my return to work and our upcoming move, and there is a recipe for exhaustion. I keep reminding myself that in a few months this wild time will be just a memory and it will not seem as tough, even though every parent I talk to affirms that these months are a total bear - which tells me that they remember how tough things can be. I stare at mothers with older children and I tell myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I would be lying if I said my heart was boiling over with maternal joy every moment of the past three months. There have been many times when I have thought, "How did I get here?" The combination of tiredness and lack of personal time has led John and I to jokingly say to one another, "Our life!", when things are particularly tiring. Frankly, every morning this week I have started off by saying to myself and aloud, "My life..." The more tired we get the more John and I tend to reminisce about life before kids. Yesterday when I was in Atlanta I drove past so many places that John and I frequented before kids. We can never go back in time. Even when we go on dates or have a weekend away we are still parents. We still have little human beings depending on us. We still have the logistics to figure out just so we can get time for just the two of us. Pretending that we do not have children for a night or weekend will never be the same as when we did not have children.

Not every moment is this stuck-in-a-dark-damp-tunnel kind of moment, though.  That's kind of the paradox of having children. We have so many rich moments with the kids. I love watching Grayson and Lu interact. I thoroughly enjoy days like yesterday, where we just get in the car and go on an adventure, even if that adventure is simply going to IKEA. Whenever John and I are away from the kids and free from their immediate needs, we find ourselves talking about them, quoting Grayson, or looking forward to getting back to see them. When we went to Asheville for a weekend away from the kids we spent a  good portion of our time looking for fun gifts to bring back for Grayson and Lu. We missed the kids. A lot.

I am learning that raising children will be one of the hardest - if not the hardest - things I ever do. When I think back to my life before kids I briefly wonder why we gave up so much freedom to raise children. As quickly as that thought comes to my mind it is pushed out by the fact that for every minute that tough or tiring, there are so many greater riches to outweigh those hard moments. The kids bring riches that we could never experience without them. KJ Dell'Antonia's rebuttal on Motherlode to this New York Times article came at the heals of our weekend away from the kids. I like her take on things.

What do you think?

Mr. Miyagi

This morning Grayson changed up his routine a little. Instead of requesting that I take pictures of him and Lucy he wanted to teach Lucy how to throw a ball. Grayson is big on showing Lu the essentials in this world. Grayson is a patient and persistent teacher, even when Lu is a not-so-eager student.

Teaching Lu the basics of what a ball is. 

Trying to show Lu how to hold a ball by forcing her hand on the ball.

Grayson then started his demonstration of how to throw a ball. 

Lu was intrigued by the demonstration. Grayson was eager for Lu to throw the ball to him. 

Even though Lu did not attempt anything, Grayson was proud. 

Leap!

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It's Leap Day! Since I am terrible at annual holidays, I've decided that Leap Day will be the special holiday that I do up big for the kids. I can handle every four years, right? All bets are off on Leap Day; anything can happen. I have uncharacteristically painted my nails yellow for this special day. I think we are going to head to Atlanta today and see where the wind takes us. I am debating whether or not Grayson is too young to really enjoy the Atlanta Children's Museum...

At any rate, Happy Leap Day! Do something fun!

Frivolous Friday

This week has seemed abnormally difficult. Our getaway last weekend was fantastic, but reentry was very hard. The kids were out of sync, we were out of sync; our family unit felt like it was running in irritating circles. During the middle of the week John and I exchanged texts, trying to figure out why this week seemed harder than usual. It felt like someone turned up the treadmill without our permission.

This week my goal was to focus on the positive moments and to find some frivolous things to laugh at.

Here are some of the positives.

Here are some of my frivolous finds.

Tents that are designed to look like more than just tents. 

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Yarn bombing. What do these folks do that allows them so much spare time?

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Seriously?

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Grandma went crazy. 

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Thought-Provoking Thursday: It's Okay to be an American Mom

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Parenting is a great mystery to me. It can be an overwhelming mystery. I think all the information women are bombarded with while they are pregnant is just the introduction into the sensory overload that comes as a parent. I find myself purposefully avoiding parenting conversations. I overhear women discussing parenting and I cringe. Just the thought of chatting it up about parenting practices wears me out enough to lock myself in the nearest bathroom stall. Don't even get me started on the blog posts about parenting... ironic, I know, being that this is one of those posts.

It's not the actual act of parenting that gets me so overwhelmed and wound up, but it's the chaos of opinions that tends to surround it. Grayson will be two years old next month. I have spent the past two years trying to get a sense of my son. What works for him, what does not. What is a standard developmental phase and attitude, and what is actually his personality. What are his strengths, what are his weaknesses. Getting to know a little human being, one who is completely raw and void of social masking, is a major task. For every observation we have made about Grayson,  John and I have given thought to our parenting style.

I wish parenting was simply figuring out your child and doing what is best for him or her. It's not that simple though. All the various thoughts and opinions on parenting make the job even tougher. Not only do you have to figure out your child, but you also have to sift through all the advice that circles around. One of the noises about parenting I have had to block out is the notion that American moms are lesser than other moms. There has been a surge in the media lately about the virtues of Asian and French mothers. At the risk of sounding like an obtuse American, I am perfectly pleased with being an American parent. I don't want to be a Tiger Mom and I don't need to be a French woman to raise my children well. Yes, our culture has some flat sides, and some of our children are not always up to par in certain situations, and there are absurd American parents out there, but I very much like being an American parent and I don't want to fix my parenting style to one that does not fit my children or our culture.

I was more than pleased, and I was extremely validated, when I read this article in the New York Times (and further discussed on Motherlode). Can you believe that the New York Times printed that it's okay to be an American mother? This is remarkable! Granted, it was an opinion column, but I'll take it. Not only did this article validate my ability to raise descent human beings, but it highlighted just how American I am. I am very American. I have known this about myself for a long time, but it is interesting to see that my nationality bleeds into my parenting as well. I have repeatedly joked that what I care about most for Grayson is that he exhibits social awareness. John and I turned down the opportunity for Lucy to go to a new state-of-the-art daycare facility because we felt like it focused too much on academia and not as much on independence and  socialization. It's not that I don't care about academia - our children are being raised by parents with a laundry list of degrees - but as a parent I feel like the academics will come in its own time. In effort to quickly excuse myself from conversations about education philosophies, I have made the statement that what I value most for my children is that enjoy what they are doing and have good social skills. In the past this statement has quickly ended the education conversation because it appears to be a completely different topic, but now I have come to find out it is just a method of American parenting.

Yes, our country has its faults and we are continually facing the facts of how we do not measure us to different parts of the world anymore, but at the end of the day I am very happy to be an American parent. My children may not be ever be world-ranked in anything, but hopefully they will be productive members of society and enjoy whatever it is that they do. If this is a weak form of parenting, oh well.

Friday Favorites

John and I are dropping the kids off at the grandparents' house and heading up to Asheville for the weekend. We have been counting down the days to this trip sans kids. We love our children, but having two small kids is no joke. I am excited to have John all to myself. I am so looking forward to having uninterrupted conversations, eating at whichever restaurant we fancy and not having to consider if it is kid-friendly, and going to sleep whenever we decide.

This week has been very full with going back to work, sick children, and getting ready to go out of town. Throughout the week I did have a lot of favorite moments - Thursday proved to be particularly humorous in random ways. I can't get into all the details now, though, so I will leave you with the sketch that kept me and John laughing during the week.


FAVORITE CLIP

Every so often SNL comes out with a golden skit. There are times when everything just seems to flow perfectly and there are times when everything seems to go wrong (ie. the "Debbie Downer" skit with Lindsey Lohan where the cast could not help themselves from laughing). Either scenario makes for a very memorable skit. Last weekend Zooey Deschanel hosted SNL. This skit had me laughing and has had me coming back for me. All of the impersonations are dead-on.

YouTube did not have any better quality clips posted yet, but this works.

Have a great weekend! Make it quirky.

Oh Holiday

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I've learned something about myself. I am terrible with holidays. I have looked across the blogosphere and seen many adorable Valentine's gift ideas, crafts with children, celebration plans. It all looks great. Can I ever pull any of those things off? Doubtful. For some reason every holiday sneaks up on me, even the most publicized holidays. I can't seem to pull together Halloween costumes. Christmas is a wash. So it's not surprising that Valentine's Day gets swept away from me too. I can't remember the last time John and I actually exchanged gifts for any holiday. Thankfully, John has the same issue as me, so it's a mutual relationship at least. Our gift exchanges tend to go something like this:
"Happy [Birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Anniversary]! I had this great plan to make you such-and-such, and I planned to do such-and-such, and I know you wanted this-and-that, but I ran out of time."
"Oh, that's fine. I love you."
"Love you, too."

Having children has put pressure on stepping up my holiday game. This year I had every intention of having Grayson make some cards and cookies for his grandparents. Lucy was going to somehow get in on the fun too. It was going to be adorable. I would take pictures of the magical moments we shared in the process of making things for others to love and cherish. I bought the sugar and sprinkles for sugar cookies. I had visions of Grayson pouring way too much sugar on the cookies, but that's the way sugar cookies made by toddlers should be, right? I had ideas for card-making. I planned to get something little for Grayson, in hopes of starting a fun Valentine's tradition. Nothing panned out. It would be one thing if we made the cookies but did not get around to sending them to the grandparents, but we did not even break out the sugar and sprinkles.

Late last night I remembered an email from Grayson's school about the Valentine's card exchange at school. Last year I did not do anything for Grayson's classmates. I figured infants were content enough with each other's company and did not need written affirmation or gifts to feel loved in their budding friendships. Grayson was the only infant who did not express his love through cards and gifts last year. I felt silly and a little disturbed. Who decided that we needed to play this game of infant Valentine's? How did everyone know to get on board? This year I decided give in and play the game. So the kids can't read yet. So they don't know what Valentine's Day is. Who cares! So late last night I scribbled each one of Grayson's classmates names on hologram Valentine's Day cards that read things like, "Be Peaceful!"(witty thing to give a toddler, huh?)

When we got to Grayson's school this morning I gave him the stack of Vaentine's Day cards to take in to class with him. I wanted to create the mirage that the cards were actually from Grayson. He carried the cards with hesitation and tried to pawn them off on anyone in sight. When we got inside Grayson quickly gave the stack of cards to his teacher, and that is when it hit me - I forgot the teachers! I looked around the room and there were multiple gifts - even some gift baskets spilling over with goodies! - for the teachers. The other parents did it again. Somehow they got the memo.

The gauntlet for being on top of holidays has officially be thrown.   

Friday Favorites

This week has gone by in a blur. Think that is how the last week before returning to work from a break always goes, extremely fast. Here are a few of my favorites from this week.

FAVORITE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE
Even though ReBlossom has been in business for a while, I just became acquainted with it when it moved locations and is now right down the road from my house. I am a huge fan of used kids clothing. It does not make much sense to buy something new for a child who is designed to get dirty and grow as fast as a weed. I am even a bigger fan of classy used clothing stores. I love not having to sift through ragged clothes to find the one diamond in the rough. ReBlossom has an excellent selection of clothing that does not look like it has ever been worn. I have a good system of selling clothes and getting new-to-us clothes with my store credit. So, basically, I plan to use ReBlossom simply as a clothing exchange. Good stuff.

FAVORITE CRAIGSLIST FIND

I have been scouring Craigslist for new furniture. I love the game of Craigslist. I like wheeling and dealing. I put our couch on Craigslist on Monday. I received over 30 inquiries within three hours of posting the ad. I was shocked. Our couch was nice, but not amazing. I received a number of emails with very personal stories and begging for the couch. At the end of the day we sold the couch to a man for $25 more than we advertised, since we had so much interest. The man drove over an hour to get the couch. When he saw it he said, "Oh, I thought it was micro fiber and cleaner." He still took the couch, so all was well, but I keep wondering if he was satisfied. 

I wonder how many inquiries have been made about this one-of-a-kind jewel. I like to think of it as usable art. The ad adds some richness to the whole situation. The seller really believes in this chair and has a vision for it, so much that he is charging $200. 

"I made this chair myself out of a shopping cart. Cushions would make a nice touch but they really aren't necessary; it's really comfortable as is. The edges have been smoothed where I cut, so there are no sharp edges. Unique, funky, and comfy! A conversation piece and a sturdy piece of furniture for your porch (or wherever else you want it to go). " 

FAVORITE TUBE

I stumbled onto one of Amaka's YouTube videos when I was researching the easiest way to make skirts for Lucy. I completely abandoned my research after watching a minute of Amaka. I became engrossed in her YouTube station. Why is she not a sensation? She has so many quotable lines and her banter is hysterical. I also love her choice of DIY projects. YouTube is made for folks like Amaka. Or, is it that folks like Amaka are made for YouTube? Either way, I am hooked. 

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Happy Weekend!

30 Seconds of Expression With Lu

Lucy is starting to come out of the newborn fog and wake up a little. I am not exactly sure what her personality will be like, but I do know she will be different from Grayson. It took Grayson forever to start smiling. Not because he does not have a happy personality, but more because he is a very observant old soul. I am not sure Grayson had time to smile as a newborn; he was too busy computing the world. I think Lucy may be our free spirit with a hint of sass.

Here are some photos within a span of 30 seconds taken with my iPhone.