Cat in the Hat Motherhood Interrogation

I am always in the market for some clever and silly humor, especially in the form of interviews, and if it involves some sort of motherhood satire. Here is a clever interview with the mom from Cat in the Hat that was posted on Motherlode a few days back. 

Falling in Love

The past couple of weeks with the kids have been especially enjoyable. Grayson will be 2-years-old next week, which means everyday he is a wild card of emotion, and Lucy is a three month old girl who insists that the world take notice of her. If I focused only on the complex times with the kids I would always be wondering why John and I ever even entertained the idea of being parents. Thankfully, though, the rich times outshine the developmental chaos that kids endure.  Despite his fragile emotional state, Grayson has started to really shine. Despite her celebrity attitude, Lu has started to show some her of ever-endearing personality. For a while I thought that the days with the kids felt easier and more enjoyable because Grayson and Lu started interacting with each other more - they have a game of mimicking each other's sounds that ends in both of them laughing. Their interaction has provided some entertainment, but that was not what changed things. Yesterday I realized what it was: I'm in love.

I did not fall in love with Grayson immediately. I so often hear pregnant women say that they are in love with their unborn child. I read status updates to the gist (actually to the verbatim) of, "So-and-so was born today! I am so in love with him!" I don't doubt that these women are in love, but that was definitely not my experience. I loved being pregnant, and I enjoyed the special relationship I had with Grayson when I was pregnant, but if I really thought about it, I did not think about how in love I was with Grayson, I thought about what an alien-like experience it was to be pregnant. Think about it: a human grows inside another human. So weird.

When Grayson was born my first thoughts were not of head-over-heals love. I'm not even sure if love was in my realm of emotions after Grayson was born. I distinctly remember feeling the weight of responsibility like I had never felt before when I delivered Grayson and the midwife placed him on my chest. That feeling of responsibility lingered. I kept thinking, "This is it. I will forever be a parent. There is no taking this back." The first few months after Grayson was born I could not honestly post a status about being in love, if I had wanted to. Most of my emotions we directed at trying to accommodate the transition in our family from being just me and John, and the major life change of becoming a mother.

It's not that I did not love Grayson when he was first born. I definitely loved him and I cared for him relentlessly, but I was not in love. For the first couple of months of his life Grayson was mainly the responsibility that I was given. Part of my responsibility as a mother was to love Grayson. It was not until the transition period gave way, and Grayson secured his role in our new family, that I fell in love. When Grayson was around 12 weeks old I realized that I was in love. I went back to work when Grayson was around 10 weeks old. Initially going back to work was tough, but it was not as tough as I thought it would be. I realized I had fallen in love with Grayson when going to work became harder, when I missed him more, when my heart longed to see him every moment. I vividly remember telling John when I fell in love with Grayson. I had been waiting to fall in love with Grayson, and when it happened it was so great.

When it came time for me to have Lucy I did not know what to expect. I did not put any expectations on myself to be in love immediately, but I thought that I may fall in love with Lu easier because I was already a mother and my heart knew what to expect. When the midwife put Lu on my chest I did not feel the deadweight of responsibility, but I did not feel overwhelming feelings of love either. I remember feeling very matter-of-fact, like, "Okay, our second child... check!" It was strange. The night after Lu was born was extremely rough for me. Her birth caused me to mourn the little three-person family we had. Before Lu was born, John, Grayson, and I had a good rhythm. Lu's arrival threw off that rhythm. I knew that we would eventually find a new rhythm, but I also knew that life would never be the same as it had been with just Grayson. My feelings of what I was losing were hurtles to me falling in love with Lu.

As when I had Grayson, even though I was not in love with Lu I still gave her love. I knew that at some point I would be in love. I originally thought I would fall in love with Lu easier and quicker than I did with Grayson, but I think it took a little longer because I was divided in my attention. When Lu was born Grayson was just beginning to break out of baby shell, and I wanted to spend all the time possible with Grayson so I could get to know him as a  toddler. Also, comparatively, babies are nowhere near as entertaining as toddlers, so I was not as intrigued with Lu's ability to open her eyes or breathe, as I was with Grayson's comedic timing and growing social skills.

Over the days, as Lu started to wake up from her newborn fog I caught myself falling for her. She requires a lot of attention. She has a sense of humor. She is sassy. She is super smiley. She can be feisty. And I am completely in love with it all. We have a new family rhythm and I would not change it for anything right now.

Did you fall in love immediately? Share your story!

Moments I would not have, if not for Lu:

Lactating Tips

Recently someone complimented me on my ability to discretely, yet naturally feed Lucy in a group setting. This compliment is what got me thinking about my history of positive public feeding experiences. I have come up with some tips that can hopefully encourage positive responses to breasteeding, particularly in group settings or in public.

1. Be aware. If our culture believed that women have breasts simply to provide food for children there would be no issue of breastfeeding in public. Breasts would be about as sexually relevant as the big toe, but we know that is not the case. As much as the way our culture views breasts can be degrading and  unfair, it is our culture. Just because you may not feel like your breasts have any sex appeal these days, does not mean that your breasts being exposed in public is not a big deal. Not everyone is as comfortable with breastfeeding as a mother who spends hours a days with her breast hanging out, at the disposal and whim of a small child. I know some breastfeeding activists campaign that everyone be comfortable with breastfeeding, and I applaud the campaigns, but at the end of the day we live in a culture where breasts are a big deal and breastfeeding can be foreign. Just be mindful.

2. Know your audience. In the spirit of being mindful, take note of who is around when you are breastfeeding. Figure out your own personal breastfeeding boundaries, and consider the boundaries of others. Just because you may be comfortable does not mean everyone else has the same boundaries, and that is okay. If you are in a crowd that appears it could be uncomfortable, try to duck away somewhere to feed. Obviously this is not always possible, and when you have a hungry child you often have to act fast, but why breastfeed in an uncomfortable environment? I know this advice goes against the liberation and right to breastfeed anywhere, but just because feeding anywhere is an option it does not always mean everywhere is the best option. The other day I was driving through an intersection and I was completely distracted by a woman sitting on the street corner completely exposed, in the process of feeding her toddler. She had every right to sit on the street corner and feed, but she could have used some discretion. Not everyone driving down the road needed to see her breast in its entirety. By rule of thumb I will always excuse myself to a private room when I am at my in-laws' house. My in-laws do not have anything against breastfeeding, but I don't get the sense that my father-in-law or brother-in-law would be comfortable watching me unlatch my bra and lift up my shirt. That's fine with me. I also avoid breastfeeding in front of children unless I know them well and one of their parents is there. Not every child is exposed to breastfeeding and I don't want to be an anatomy and physiology teacher. I like to leave it to the parents to explain why and how babies get milk from their mothers. Another group I have my radar out for is that of mothers who could not or chose not to breastfeed. I will never apologize for choosing to breastfeed my children, but I also never want to make anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding.

3. Be courteous. Anytime I am about to breastfeed in front of someone, even if I absolutely know that the person is okay with it, I ask before breaking out my breast. It's not a matter of asking permission, but rather being respectful, giving the other person a head up that a "private part" is about to be made public. I often have early morning meetings. Many times my boss has not finished eating his breakfast when we are scheduled to begin the meeting. Even though he has every intention of finishing his breakfast during our meeting he always asks me if I am okay with him eating during our meeting. This simple question takes less than 10 seconds of conversation and lets me know that my boss will be eating his breakfast while we are talking. Treat breastfeeding the same way.

4. Practice different positions. It will be incredibly challenging to casually feed in public if you and your baby only know how to breastfeed on the comfy chair in your bedroom, surrounded by fluffy pillows for support. Get in the habit of having your child feed in different positions. You will be surprised by how creatively your child can feed and how much these skills will come in handy. You never know what position you will find yourself having to feed in.


5. Plan your wardrobe accordingly. There are times where you are going to be in public and find yourself wearing a breastfeeding unfriendly outfit, but if you can help it, think about wearing shirts that can discretely pull up so you don't have to basically disrobe in public just to get to your breast.


6. Ditch the cover. Breastfeeding covers can be adorable, but they are basically neon signs for a breastfeeding woman. Most covers do an excellent job of covering the woman and baby - I have seen some covers that extend to the floor - but it seems like breastfeeding covers can be even more awkward and draw more attention than just discretely lifting your shirt. I have a solid-colored blanket that I drape over my shoulder. The blanket can get a little tricky when children are older and like to pull off the blanket as a game, but for the most part a small blanket works well. Often times many people won't even know you are breastfeeding. It looks more like you are just holding your baby.

Happy feeding!