Some days John and I have to verbally remind each other that our life will not always be as it is now. We will not always be held captive by early bedtimes, diaper changes, feedings, play dates, and toddler mood swings. It seems like at least a few times a week I hear from parents of school-aged children, "I don't envy you right now." John was told recently that we are living out the hardest years of our life right now. We were promised that we will never again be as tired and weary as we are during these early years with the kids. John and I have decided that we will hold the person who made this promise accountable.
Don't get me wrong, we love our children, and we love all the endearing moments, but we are also running tired. For a while I felt guilty that I was trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt guilty that I was not content in the moment, and I worried that I would miss the great, little moments with my kids as infants and toddlers. I had to give up reading blogs or looking at the Facebook because it can seem like every other mom but me absolutely thrives on the physical grind of child-rearing.
Last week I heard the voice of reason. A woman assured me that I was okay for not feeling energized and enthralled with my daily activities right now. I was encouraged to be told that as the dust settles and the children grown, each stage gets more enjoyable. I don't need to focus so much on making this survival time out to be the greatest years of my life. I have not talked to any honest parents who just rave about how great the early parenting years were for them. Most seem to shake their head and thank God they are not still living those years. Slowly I am taking the pressure off to be Super Mom, and I am not beating myself up when I think about some things I could or would be doing if I was not in the parenting cave. I'm learning that it is possible to love your children deeply, yet still need other things going on in life. It's okay that these may not be my glory days.
