Recently someone complimented me on my ability to discretely, yet naturally feed Lucy in a group setting. This compliment is what got me thinking about my history of positive public feeding experiences. I have come up with some tips that can hopefully encourage positive responses to breasteeding, particularly in group settings or in public.
1. Be aware. If our culture believed that women have breasts simply to provide food for children there would be no issue of breastfeeding in public. Breasts would be about as sexually relevant as the big toe, but we know that is not the case. As much as the way our culture views breasts can be degrading and unfair, it is our culture. Just because you may not feel like your breasts have any sex appeal these days, does not mean that your breasts being exposed in public is not a big deal. Not everyone is as comfortable with breastfeeding as a mother who spends hours a days with her breast hanging out, at the disposal and whim of a small child. I know some breastfeeding activists campaign that everyone be comfortable with breastfeeding, and I applaud the campaigns, but at the end of the day we live in a culture where breasts are a big deal and breastfeeding can be foreign. Just be mindful.
2. Know your audience. In the spirit of being mindful, take note of who is around when you are breastfeeding. Figure out your own personal breastfeeding boundaries, and consider the boundaries of others. Just because you may be comfortable does not mean everyone else has the same boundaries, and that is okay. If you are in a crowd that appears it could be uncomfortable, try to duck away somewhere to feed. Obviously this is not always possible, and when you have a hungry child you often have to act fast, but why breastfeed in an uncomfortable environment? I know this advice goes against the liberation and right to breastfeed anywhere, but just because feeding anywhere is an option it does not always mean everywhere is the best option. The other day I was driving through an intersection and I was completely distracted by a woman sitting on the street corner completely exposed, in the process of feeding her toddler. She had every right to sit on the street corner and feed, but she could have used some discretion. Not everyone driving down the road needed to see her breast in its entirety. By rule of thumb I will always excuse myself to a private room when I am at my in-laws' house. My in-laws do not have anything against breastfeeding, but I don't get the sense that my father-in-law or brother-in-law would be comfortable watching me unlatch my bra and lift up my shirt. That's fine with me. I also avoid breastfeeding in front of children unless I know them well and one of their parents is there. Not every child is exposed to breastfeeding and I don't want to be an anatomy and physiology teacher. I like to leave it to the parents to explain why and how babies get milk from their mothers. Another group I have my radar out for is that of mothers who could not or chose not to breastfeed. I will never apologize for choosing to breastfeed my children, but I also never want to make anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding.
3. Be courteous. Anytime I am about to breastfeed in front of someone, even if I absolutely know that the person is okay with it, I ask before breaking out my breast. It's not a matter of asking permission, but rather being respectful, giving the other person a head up that a "private part" is about to be made public. I often have early morning meetings. Many times my boss has not finished eating his breakfast when we are scheduled to begin the meeting. Even though he has every intention of finishing his breakfast during our meeting he always asks me if I am okay with him eating during our meeting. This simple question takes less than 10 seconds of conversation and lets me know that my boss will be eating his breakfast while we are talking. Treat breastfeeding the same way.
4. Practice different positions. It will be incredibly challenging to casually feed in public if you and your baby only know how to breastfeed on the comfy chair in your bedroom, surrounded by fluffy pillows for support. Get in the habit of having your child feed in different positions. You will be surprised by how creatively your child can feed and how much these skills will come in handy. You never know what position you will find yourself having to feed in.
5. Plan your wardrobe accordingly. There are times where you are going to be in public and find yourself wearing a breastfeeding unfriendly outfit, but if you can help it, think about wearing shirts that can discretely pull up so you don't have to basically disrobe in public just to get to your breast.
6. Ditch the cover. Breastfeeding covers can be adorable, but they are basically neon signs for a breastfeeding woman. Most covers do an excellent job of covering the woman and baby - I have seen some covers that extend to the floor - but it seems like breastfeeding covers can be even more awkward and draw more attention than just discretely lifting your shirt. I have a solid-colored blanket that I drape over my shoulder. The blanket can get a little tricky when children are older and like to pull off the blanket as a game, but for the most part a small blanket works well. Often times many people won't even know you are breastfeeding. It looks more like you are just holding your baby.
Happy feeding!
i love these tips. very helpful. i like your point about just because you had the right to breastfeed somewhere, doesn't it make it the best place.
ReplyDeletei loved my cover, though. it allowed me to nurse absolutely anywhere. i can only think of two or three times that i ever excused myself from a situation to nurse. i was surprised by how few people had any idea i was nursing underneath.