Maternal Judgement

Sometimes parenting makes me feel like I am 14 years old again. I can feel like I am under the microscope. Like I am being critiqued. Like I have to measure up to some parenting standard. Like there is some cool crowd style I am supposed to conform to. If I think too much about parenting I go batty. So many opinions. So many folks who are certain they have the right techniques for raising my children. There are times when I really connect with the motherhood community and I think to myself, "Gee, we are all just trying to make it through this stage together." Then there are the other times. There are the times when I have conversations with mothers who know everything and appear to have it all figured out. Those are the times I catch myself starting to fume and get into fighting position. In those moments I no longer care about the motherhood community. I take on the Hunger Games  mentality and think, "May the odds be in your favor." In those moments I am ready to battle the opinionated mother (or maybe non-mother... it's very possible). I have debated blogging about some of my encounters. I don't want to alienate folks, but the stories are rich. Sometimes I even agree with the practices of these super confident women who send me into a rage. Sometimes I actually practice the same parenting style as them. So it is not actually their opinions or style that wrecks me, it is the judgement that I can so easily feel. I love this piece in the Huffington Post about maternal judgement.

I definitely connected with the Huffington Post piece. When I was pregnant with Grayson we had grand plans of how we would parent. I saw so many blogs and Facebook posts of women who clearly have 40 hours a day to do crafts with their children, have a completely organic life, keep a perfectly decorated home, cook elaborate meals, throw creative parties, go on amazing vacations, have perfectly witty and enthusiastic family outings,  and still have time to talk about it all. The bar is set pretty high for what it looks like to be a parent. At the end of the day, none of that matters though. What matters is that I raise my children in the way that is best for them and what works best for our family. Now I don't care so much about living out a certain parent persona, but rather just doing what needs to get done for my family. I think that is the responsibility of every mother. Do what you need to do and brush off the rest. This morning I had to fish out a letter "M" alphabet graham (euphemism for cookie) from Lucy's mouth. Grayson is our little Socialist and likes to give everything to his sister. The incident highlighted two things: 1) I was preoccupied for longer than one second, so Grayson had time to get a cookie in Lu's mouth, and 2) We officially give Grayson cookies in the morning. I am sure the pre-parent Shannen would have something to say about this, but all the parent Shannen can say is, "It's just where I'm at right now."